My Eager Beaver

Like any parent, I want to give my child every opportunity in the world! Since he came into my life, I have been tirelessly enrolling my stepson in swimming, skating, soccer and anything else I thought would stick. This year he's old enough (he's five) that he really has his own opinions and likes/dislikes, so I, as I normally do, approached him about various activities, mostly sports, and he was not interested.

It's hard when you only have one child, because when you're home they really have no one to play with, which is one of the reasons I like to get him involved in the community. One day the school sent home a flyer for Beaver Scouts and it got me thinking: my stepson isn't the most coordinated individual, so I understand that sports can sometimes be frustrating, but he loves learning and playing so maybe he'll like beavers.

My eager Beaver!

Well he's been in Beavers for about a month now and he loves it. Furthermore I love it. Here's why:

• They are very outdoor focused: many kids don't get outside enough and this program allows them to have fun outdoors no matter what the season.
• They are focused on play: although Beavers accepts girls into the program, the majority of the kids are boys and boys need to play. Although the program follows a schedule, it's not too structured and this is great for an extracurricular. 
• It is a diverse program: teaching everything from games to arts and crafts to sports to survival skills, this is a well-rounded program to give kids a bit of everything.
• It is focused on positive reinforcement: kids have the opportunity to earn badges for completing tasks, which gives them a goal to work towards.  Unlike sports where some kids can and others can't, every kid has an equal opportunity to excel in the program.

Everyone at the outdoor activity day gathered  for a campfire.

This program hold fantastic events for the kids, creating a true community for them outside of their regular school friends (which is so important for kids who have a bit of trouble fitting in). We recently went to an city-wide outdoor activity day where all levels of the Scouts program (Beavers, Cubs, Scouts, etc.) congregated for a long (and cold!) fun-filled day. My child is making new friends, getting outdoors, learning and having fun... what could be better?

My Secret PTA Passion

As a young parent (I'm 24) I found it really hard fitting in with other parents, especially since people seem to be having kids later in life these days. Often times, when I would go to the park with my stepson, people would think that I was a nanny or a sitter, but not a parent. Those who realized I was a parent would automatically stereotype me, thinking that I must have gotten pregnant very young by mistake (quite the opposite).

Either way, being a parent is no different from any other area of life where we seek to belong. Since I am such a driven, stay-outta-my-way-if-I-want-something type individual, I decided that I was going to belong to the community of parents in my neighbourhood one way or another... so I joined the PTA. You can imaging the delight of this Catholic school when a 24-year old unwed stepmom-to-be decided to jump on board, but they don't exactly have volunteers pounding down the door, so they entertained the idea.

To be honest, I had no idea what the PTA did. For me it was a means to an end, but I quickly realized how much of a difference these people make in my child's life. The parents of the PTA give their time to make a difference in every child's life at the school, not just their own, and most people don't even realize it! These are just a few things they do:

• Run Pizza day
• Purchase classroom supplies
• Host school events
• Purchase sports/outdoor equipment

The PTA that I'm part of has even got together the funds to bring in a specialist to give a bullying seminar to the parents, and are offering babysitting services at the event. Without the PTA at my child's school it would be crap.

Not only does being part of the PTA enrich the school environment that my child has, but it enriches my life too. It's a great way to connect with the "in" parents at the school and establish a rapport with the principal and teachers, so that when issues arise with your child, they come to you first.

It just goes to show, when you give a little, you get a lot!

Won't somebody think of the children?

Like most people I believe that the ideal situation for a child is when their parents can get along and be together. However, 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, making this a tough reality for many kids.

I have a relatively unusual situation, or so I've been told. I have lived with my stepson since he was 2 (and I was 21), he is at our house full-time, and both my husband and I get along with his mother to the point that we do birthday parties together, she has given me permission to participate fully in his education, and we have conversations on a regular basis (not just about him). People have always told me that my situation is 'strange', but I didn't know the extent of it until recently: until I was horrified by a 'typical' example of a split family.

That being said, being a stepmom is the most difficult job in the world, I'm certain. I can totally sympathize with the crazies out there! Raising someone else's child, no matter how much freedom you're given to do it your way, is an emotional rollercoaster. At the same time, I could not image, as a mother (which I'm not), watching my child have a mother-son relationship with another woman. I give kudos to my baby-mama for making it work from that side of things.

Why do we get along? Because we have 1 thing in common: we love this child more than anything else in the world, and that's all that matters. We would do anything for this child, and that includes getting along (plus in my case she's nice, but that's irrelevant).

So, here are some tips for making your situation better for your child in a split-parent situation:

• Realize that you don't control the time they spend with the other parent, or the relationships they develop during that time. Respect that these are still important parts of your child's life, and take an active interest in them as you would with any other part of their life. 
• Don't say mean things about the other parent in front of the child, in ear-shot of the child, or when the child is laying in bed waiting to fall asleep. Also, don't insult anything that belongs to the other parent or associated with the other parent. Children have an instinct to protect the integrity of both parents and they will become hurt on behalf of the parent who's being demeaned. This is an internal dilemma that children shouldn't have to deal with.
• Get together as a whole family. That's right, you are a still a family with your ex. Your ex's new spouse is now part of your family. Go on an outing all together, perhaps out for dinner, or develop a family tradition of some sort to give your child a venue to hang with everyone together...and happy. Although this may be an event that you will dread, it will be so special to your child to have all the people they love most together in one place. Those of us whose parents stayed together take for granted that we had this type of event every night at the dinner table.
• In your child's eyes, their new 'step-brothers' and 'step-sisters' are just brothers and sisters, and you need to respect that. Invite them to your child's birthday parties, find out when their birthdays are and celebrate those events in some way (with a card or something).
• Be gentle. Just as you don't expose your child to the cruel and unusual realities of the world, don't expose them to the inner-workings of your relationship with their other parent. Children need to feel like both of their parents love them always, so make them feel like this no matter what.

At the end of the day, we're just parents. What we think/feel/want comes last always, why should this be any different?