Holidays can be hard... If you let them!

I realize this post is slightly delayed, but I've now had time to let the holidays really sink in and these are my reflections.

Christmas, a time for family, a time for happiness! Unless you're in a split family of course, then it's a time for mommy to be happy and daddy to be sad or visa versa... NOT ON MY WATCH!

Our family at Christmas at the Farm with Santa.

In our split family, just like in my nuclear family growing up, I view the holidays as a time to strengthen relationships and spend some extra time with one another. In our family we trade Christmas mornings from one year to the next: one year Ty's mom has him on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning and we switch around 11:00 a.m. or noon, and we have him for the rest of the day including Christmas dinner and Boxing Day, and the next year we trade. I'm under the impression that this part is pretty standard, but I do my best to ensure that the rest of our holiday is anything but standard. Here are my guidelines to make your situation more than amicable over the holidays:

Realize that everyone wants that time: Christmas is the most fun time of the year to be a parent, so obviously everyone wants to spend this time with their kids. Coming to terms with this reduces the "tug-of-war" for time over holiday days. This year it was our Christmas morning with Ty, but did it make us feel good thinking of his mom all alone on Christmas morning? NO! So we invited her to sleep over and wake up on Christmas with us. The result? We all had a great time, and Ty was so happy.


Respect different family traditions: Just like a marriage, where a husband and wife come together with different family traditions, a split family has more parents with a wider variety of family traditions. If mommy Sally always has a boxing day party with her whole family, shuffle the schedule to accommodate it. Similarly, if daddy Johnny has family coming into town and they want to spend time with the children, SHUFFLE THE SCHEDULE!

Create some new family traditions: Not just within your household, but for the whole "new-unclear" (haha play on nuclear) family. This year we went to an event called Christmas at the Farm, which took place a couple of weeks before Christmas, and was a nice family brunch in the country with hot chocolate, sleigh rides and Santa. We all had so much fun that this will probably be our new family tradition.

Forget the status quo: It's so easy to dig in your heels and say "this is what I want my Christmas to be like", or "this is what most split families do." Who cares what everyone else does? Since everything is all about the children, set aside the status quo and let everyone have some fun together.

I find that it helps to approach the split family situation as you would the other areas of your life: you get better results if you're kind, respectful, understanding, accommodating and a little bit flexible.